Sunday, October 24, 2010

dancing

the bassist's strumming and the night is young
the dance floor's waiting so i'm getting on.

feel the music like a lover's touch.
moving with my body it sets my spirit free.

i smile from the inside

a glance is shared, a smile exchanged,  a passing echo of another's moves flow's through.

the mood is fun and true.

and then the godless lost break into my peace,
reach through to touch and grab and claim.

un-self-satisfied they trash my vibe to try and take what cannot be given.

the mood is changed and a struggle ensues to give them enough to prevent insult (although i see the quick glaze of an eye, the flinch as their energy battering is not adored) yet avoid the hooks and isolation. what once was free becomes flirtatious, at least in another's mind, and i see my body from outside, feel the energies projected (and my own responding). so i spin a quick shield to preserve integrity, to allow only the freely shared to reach. i go too far, space is crowded. backs are turned. no longer safe, fingers burned, so i relax a little and try to still be a part of the whole.

the goal is lost and another given. survive, make the most, shine, be kind. I learn a lot, and have a friendly time, although i wield a whip to keep the boys in line. i hear a tale of mana and gain an insight.

eventually, it is too much. one of them will not let it go, refuses to hear me as i try and avoid her scalding grasp. i flee and she fucking chases me, will not let go. grasping, grabbing, her aura like sharp hot coal. although i did not realise it at the time, i switched, my energy reversed to give me the armour i need to cast her off. suddenly i'm a therapist, guiding her mind back to self worth and her back to the pack. alcohol is evident, scrambling her clarity.

back on the dancefloor, i've gained some space, can groove to the tunes when a man walks past and tells me what i've done. i see my moves, martial. my aura tight.

is it only me that already knows the feel of mine? that knows what is not and does not cross the invisible lines?
am i so wrong? lost in some meditation that tells me that even if not this time, in this life, i'll meet and know the one who is for me?
Is it foolish to expect that adult beings should be able to simply be with their feelings, their vibes, and not need to act them out, make others actors in their internal plays? (re-reading this. yes, i know i'm a muppet too)

afterwards the sea is calming, as i lie on the shore and let it wash away the sticky energies that coat me like memories of every intrusion, every wrong.

and so my mind turns back to other times, when we danced all the night. worshipped with trance and ecstasy, shared the grace of music without desire leaving its polluted trails upon our skin. instead of longing for the past, i remember it, feel it again. i see that i have still not embraced this human life.

today seems strangely void, as if i lost something last night without even realising i was supposed to find it.

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