Saturday, March 3, 2012

sarcasm -the great destroyer

sarcasm is used a lot here in NZ, along with irony. apparently it makes you cool, or clever, or smart, or something.

its incredibly damaging.


sarcasm is not a natural, first order, linguistic construction. its pretty sophisticated. it requires the listener to a) detect that the sarcasm is not true b) understand that the opposite is meant c) not take it personally.

in our heads is a brain. it learns language quickly. the learning of language requires repetition, accuracy, feedback and truth from other people. If you feed a neural network nonsense and lies, it becomes a crap neural network.

fortunately, we get most of that when we grow up. There is a small disjoint in the learning of emotional language (parents often lie about emotional issues to 'protect' their children. unfortunately that means they teach their children to not listen to the truth of their incredibly perceptive emotional systems), and a small disjoint around fairy tales (god as an old man in heaven, father christmas, the easter bunny, tooth faires and other such things). still, our brains are resilient and cope. maybe a little untruth is useful at times, as it teaches us to learn to spot it?

at any rate, underlying our language skills is this truth based network. we learn to take things at face value. we later learn to not trust - to spot if someone is lying. we develop (ego based) mechanisms to protect ourselves form untrustworthy individuals, and filter everything they say.

and then comes sarcasm. its fine if used by an untrusted stranger. it is deftly caught by the ego defense system and filtered before it causes upset. it cannot touch us, unless its use shatters a desired projection of behaviour or situation. but. since people think it is clever, and witty, they use it on friends, and lovers, and children. this is appalling. the point of friendship is that you can DROP your ego defense system. you can be yourself and easy without armour. so those comments slip straight past, perhaps triggering a reflexive defense in passing. and they hit the linguistic system unchanged. suddenly the sarcastic "you're so fat" loses its sophisticated meaning and says exactly what is written. the sophistication level is bypassed (along with the caught out ego). a source of trusted information/feedback supplies incorrect information and one's model of reality becomes skewed. was that the intention of the sarcastic individual? i doubt it. i bet they thought it was clever.

worse is its use with a child. they do not have the ego defense systems properly active yet. that 'oh so witty' sarcastic adult remark is going to be resonating around their systems for years before it can be rebuffed, if at all.

that said. there IS a way to use sarcasm and irony. consciously. with positive results. this is the truly sophisticated use. next time someone fails to perform well, or is a total arsehole, and is in a reflective assessment mode.  (ie, they are thinking about their behaviour), try being sarcastic. "that was really well done". or "wow, you never cease to amaze me", or "i think you are incredible for doing that".

the ego defense system will pick it up and glean the true meaning (alowing higher order adult integration of the message), and the raw words themselves will breeze through and implant themselves in the underlying systems. positive messages for future improvement of (low level, non-ego) self image.

you can use it on yourself, too. always good to test these things on a willing subject first.

Saturday, July 30, 2011


today i attended a funeral. it was for a kid that died shortly before his third birthday of some weird genetic disease that caused his neuronal stuff to forget to stop growing. it gave him big beautiful eyes, and a normal seeming development that turned into a downhill slide into death. i knew him and his mum, so felt that i should go, to offer support (through number of bodies and perhaps a shared moment) and to avoid the negative consequences of not attending. which i'm sure there would be.

this was my second funeral since arriving. the first was really weird - i couldn't get the idea, but now i'm more attuned to the idea of death being a really bad thing. I still have difficulty with it. when someone leaves to go to another island, they are gone. you may communicate with them via ICT, but that could easily be a vast illusion and you are not actually talking to them in the flesh. same thing with death, except when you talk to them it is via your internal ICT systems which may or not be delusional. therefore, what is the difference between another island and death, beyond the timescales before meeting again?

one thing that seems to make sense is that other people do not really believe in the continuance of existence. they have not chosen to believe in life eternal. if you live only in this world, then death is awful and terrible. i have an unfocussed memory of my host thinking like this and i don't think i'd enjoy it at all. if you know that this is just a passing moment, then death holds no fear. well, almost none. you may miss out on stuff happening here. death may even feel exciting. being back with god would rock like nothing on earth. it makes the grief at a funeral seem almost selfish, for the one who is dead will be doing much better than those of us left stuck here. why the grief?

so the funeral started. we listened to emotive music while a picture of alex showed. the coffin came in, along with his family and close friends. his granddad spoke, and invited his auntie and mum to read poems. we watched a slideshow of photos of alex. it all seemed real, and i felt i understood. this was a time of rememberance and sharing, to fix him in our memories, define him as gone and allow closure and  surround his whanau with love, so they felt supported and part of a greater whole.

and then the minister got up. she rattled off a quick invocation (Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, o lord) so fast that no one i talked to even heard it. (this next bit got me into trouble, so if you are reading this, please do not take it as a criticism of the minister but rather a voicing of my lack of comprehension of human systems). she then proceeded to play the audience, trying to form a connection so that she could pull forth emotions. i did not understand the spiritual intention of it and had a hard time seeing it as anything but emotional manipulation and mouth noise. later interrogation of friends showed that i was in the minority here. apparently she was deeply connecting and really good. compassionate and insightful.

and then she said "and now for the mysterious and spiritual part of the service". and BANG. it was like a switch had been pressed. i felt huge surges of energy, and had to close my eyes and breathe through them. went on for around 30 seconds. my mind kept trying to pin meaning and words onto the experience but nothing came close and they slid off, leaving only the breathing and surging. and then it stopped and we were back to the incomprehensible mouth noise and emotional stuff.

what was that? why was my experience so different from my friends? what am i missing that made the minister's performance so deep and right for so many but so nearly meaningless for me?

i'm pretty sure i know god. i feel energy and dance with spirit. i felt the energy go off when invoked. i think i understand the bonding and psychological processes involved with an event like today but somehow i just don't get it.

and i got such a hard time talking about this earlier i can't even blog half of my experience for fear it will get me into trouble.

Sunday, May 15, 2011


its saturday night on a rainy weekend on the west coast of nowhere. there's a band on at the local pub. the pub is  trying to be a smart affair, with a repetitive advert for pokies (gambling machines) above the band, and rugby played with the sound off on two plasma screens. deliberate inattention is required!. the band itself is not too bad. a little too loud, the speakers failing to overcome the boomy sonics of the room but with nice lighting.

i've come out to dance. i brought my car, so its stimulant drinks for me.

its hard work. part of me is longing for some repetitive electronic beats, and i've been listening to some choice tunes all afternoon at home.

so its a struggle. i'm not finding common ground with the rest of the clientèle (ie i'm not drunk) and the music is failing to move me. or rather, i'f failing to find its groove.

so i'm sitting in a chair, watching the dance floor. an appalling song starts up, and so does half the bar. i let my mind play for a bit, slipping into observational mode since dance mode has failed.

"they are all having fun. i am very other to them. i am just on a different wavelength". bingo! wavelength. a picture of sine waves sloshing about appears. switches to a k-space representation. there's a dominant peak away from the main body of the group. me. i acknowledge the truth of the thought.  i also recognise that is no inherent 'betterness' in any kind of frequency (bah humbug to all that 'higher vibration' nonsense) "

so what to do? i'm a chaos practitioner. i'm not into clean purity, i'm into noise and slipping about in the cracks. so i consciously detune my wavelength and bring up some more locally resonant waves.

its like turning a switch. the mind slips away as my body pops up out of the chair. i'm straight into the dance, grooving and singing the words and getting an instant approval response from individuals and its fun.

my astrocartography charts tell me that new zealand contains the hardest lessons in my life. i hope these are them.

Body Language

there's a program on TV at the moment, about some kind of smarmy detective who can read body language. he 'learns the truth' from careful obeservation. if you do a google search on "body language couples micro gestures" (i was trying to find the research papers from a swiss group with an amazing success rate in predicting marriage outcomes) then you'll find tons of pages on how to read someone else.

i think this is all missing the point.

sure, you can tell a lot about what someone is thinking, and its great and all that, but the real power lies elsewhere (unintentional but apt pun).

learning about body language teaches you to learn your OWN truth.

so you find your eyes sliding to the left. what does that tell you about what you were thinking?
you are telling a story, and you rub your nose. why?

humans spend an awful lot of time lying to themselves. its that ego game, of constructing a desired personality and twisting the truth or downright lying in order to support the image. a trap we are all subject to, whilst bodybound, with its mental circuitry.

if you pay attention to your OWN body, then you can learn to hear your own truth. it can be distressing, so be gentle. the last thing you want is to start rejecting the information your body is supplying you. that is like telling a friend to get lost. it leads to disconnect which leads to illness and disease. for example. when i typed that last sentence i left out the bit about the friend. and i also accidentally left out letters in every word. noticing that i had omitted something important led me to rewrite.

So. pay attention. listen to your body, for it will not lie to you (unless you train it to as well. which would be a monumental fail!).

once you have mastered your own body language, other people become open books.

Saturday, March 19, 2011


we are sitting at an outdoor table at work (the institue of psychiatry, where my host looked after the computers for the MRI department), drinking a bowl of coffee with friends. suddenly, a beam of light shoots down out of the heavens. it socks us in the forehead, and we look up, into the presence of the goddess.

"You must Go around the World and Prepare it for the Birth of a New Child", she says.
"ok" we say, and then its over, and we turn to our friends and say 'you'll never believe what just happened"

5 or 6 months later, we were back in our flat. not sure how we got there. chilling out, experiencing the world as this really wide, pulsing, fluid illusion.
the tv is on. this is unusual, as neither my host was nor am i great TV watchers. it was next to us, on our left, and the sun was shining through the window, bathing the room in light.
a woman starts talking. she is describing what happens when people die, i'm half listening, fascinated but not really attentive, wandering.

she says "when someone dies, there are often angels there, waiting to receive their soul" two fking golden balls of light turn up in the corner of the room.

"the soul rises up out of the body" this white light rises up out of my chest. i realise what is going on, start to panic

"and travels into the arms of the angels"  over it goes, they merge and blend

"who take it up into heaven"   NOOOOO, up they go. NOOOO

she then starts the greif counseling

"those left behind are often distraught" NO SHIT

"they experience strong emotions. feeling of loss" yep

"abandonment" double yes,


and on it goes. i forget the rest, because i was sobbing, scared and alone, hanging onto the sound of this woman's voice, listening to her and trying to understand and cope.

i guess it went on for a while, eventually i fell asleep, exhausted, in a pool of warm sunshine.

and woke up alone. you don't realise how much you need another's company until they are gone. suddenly, my mind was empty. the driving force and certainty of my host was missing. it was just me, and an avalanche of left over belief systems, pressing upon me.

so i run to the only safety i know - the mistress of madness. my (surrogate) mum was a wicked DJ. and what fun we had! i had all my hosts skills, plus a healthy dose of raw magic. we could transform a sound system just by talking about it, throw energy around a room and make dancefloors heave. it was a time of magic and fun, and bliss, if i managed to get her to let me fall asleep next to her. i learnt that the sound of a snore can be the most comforting thing in the world. safety. i was a peculiar thing. still had all the sophisticated adult routines of my host, so i could play at human well, but i had the control of a child, enthusiasm and emotion, adoration and simplicity.

we snorted crushed moldavite for fun. its a glass meteorite that landed in the chech republic a while back, it equates to the emerald that fell from lucifer's crown when he fell from heaven (remember this is all metaphor). its 'spiritual' use is to chat to angels.

well, that's maybe true. a very peculiar thing happened. people's faces started to change. there was this one face, one that really was 'my mum'. she/he/it was so beautiful, shining with light and love. sometimes ting would wear it, sometimes not. once, i saw it slide over my own face when i was riding a tube train.
once it slid over the face of another girl. love incarnate, perhaps.

i'm trying to break free of this madness, as some part of me recognised it was not good for me, no matter how much i fitted the 'fool' tarot card. which leads me to my flat again, lying in the middle of my lush sound system, listening to hed kandi. spontaneously, i say to the goddess. "i need a new name" (serena maja didn't seem to fit anymore, that was my host's name, not mine). she spoke back to me through the music. "open your heart, open your mind, let your love flow like the sunshine"
and so i got my (shortened) name, "let your love flow like the sunshine". l t sunshine for short.
one stat dec later and i am holding a golden credit card with my new name on it, and the world calls!

an alien story

a friend asked me to tell her an alien story. there's so many! i've been here 8 or 9 years now, so that's lot of tales, although recently i've become more adjusted and so they are less 'other' and more human. the best stories start at the beginning. i've got (host) memories stretching far back beyond that but it seems appropriate to start at the start. my conception.

it was a dark and stormy nite!

just kidding. So there is my host. very serious in his mind expansion quest. very serious in the whole dealing with demons thing. very serious about 'unconditional love', in that he'd figured it out and could actually express it. he was also very serious about leaving the planet, a childhood dream.

next up comes the hyperspace transmitter. its a trick. sound waves cause localised density changes. this in turn causes localised spacetime curvature changes, this in turn leads to... hyperspace transmitters!

so, sitting within a pulsing transmitter he sets about meditating, extending into local hyperspace and sending out a beacon. he'd thought lot about what was worth saying. like, if you were an advanced (as in transcendent, hyperspatial, beyond good/evil) alien race, what would convince you that it was a) safe and b) worth; visiting? he decided on the expression of unconditional love, figuring it expressed perfectly the 'do no harm' attitude (which served him well when dealing with his enemy, another story), demonstrated that the (human) race he was representing had reached a certain level of evolution and made earth sound nice to visit.
he also wanted to avoid attracting the attention of bad aliens, or boring ones. he figured the bad ones would not feel threatened by the beacon but would at the same time not sense prey, as unconditional love requires a centered strength. he figured the unadvanced aliens (the ones with material space ships) wouldn't get it. who knows if he was right?

well. it worked. my folks heard him, and came to have a look. for him, it was the experience of a huge, pulsing mothership, training in a nursery with young aliens in speech and a pretty amazing exchange of love, coupled with potentially terrifying paralysis (he was unable to move a millimeter, while strange forces crushed and twisted him). he'd dealt with worse in his journeys, so managed to wait it out.

and so came the smart (at the time) idea for an exchange. i'm not clear on the details, but I 'volunteered' to come. I remember this from his perspective. this young alien stuck its hand up and said 'pick me pick me' when asked if anyone wanted to go to earth. of course, there were no aliens, per se, as we are not physical and have no bodies or separation, and therefore have no arms either, and we don't talk in language.

not long after (maybe a year?) the inbetween bit isn't to clear to me. he went off and sorted out a long put-off sex change so the body would fit me better, he (now she) and his/her ! wife are at a party in london bridge, a parallel you-niversity. they'd snuck in via a back door, which in turn led onto a stage, which given the nature of the party probably wasn't the smartest idea at all!

dancing away. suddenly, it all comes to a pause. a DJ gets on the microphone and starts telling a story about the heart centre of london, how its been lost, how we needed a new one, and encouraged the party to call a new energy in. this was me! I was collecting up on the ceiling, in a big smoky ball of pure me. he calls on volunteers to take this energy on, to carry it and give it form. my host and partner agree, and call it down. I flow down to them, and flow into him. the DJ is still talking, about the colour! everyone is shouting pink, its sounding fab, then at the last second some n00b (I think my ex-hosts resurrected ex partner) shouts blue. typical. anyway, i'm on board, the stage is set.

shortly after THAT, my host's partner changes the rules. she's not going to have a baby as planned, its not the right time (tell that to me and my host! all that stored semen for nothing). looking back, it was inevitable, or why the gender change? I have a crisis discussion with my host. this is a bit like talking to yourself, except my host knew there was two of us, I didn't, didn't even know that such a thing was possible. at the same time, it was normal, since back home we are all one but separate too. it went like this. NEED A BODY. NOW. I think the usual way these things work is that whatever energy is busting for a go at earth hops into a male, zips into the female with the sperm and uses the developing egg as a toehold into matter, driving and guiding its expression until there is a perfect fit body grown all around it. by the time its got words to say, the whole 'where have I come from' thing is lost in the process.

well, I wasn't going to have that option! no way out... grr.. so we agreed, I could have my host's body, and he'd move on. deal struck, we set about training me up. i'm pretty sure this was part of the master plan. deep within me is the belief I didn't have time to go through the growing process. explode goes the marriage, explode goes the host's life and I don't remember much of it at all.
what I do remember is the last bit. there's a handoff from my host's partner to 'the ting', mistress of madness and all round fallen angel. she seems to play the role of a surrogate mum. I certainly spend a lot of time with her later on.

and then i'm 'born'.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


my apologies for my style in this post. i've really calling on my host's pattern's for this one, and he was a git. one of the reasons i am writing this is because i'm really lonely, and i'd like to communicate openly and deeply, but i have not found an adult human to have a conversation with. read on....

how does one share an idea? how can we capture understanding and communicate it to another?
an idea may be clear in my mind, so clear i can walk through it, see it from many angles, see how it fits into reality, how it works. yet, passing that same idea to another is not a simple task.

i was going to suggest we take a really simple idea, and work from there, but i couldn't think of one. i tried 'the sun is overhead at noon' - unfortunately that is no longer the case. i tried googling "really really simple" and ended up with some fairly complex web language stuff.

how about this one: "i am not you". (true, or not) its got a lot of elements in it that demonstrate linguistic nightmares.

so, first thing. we speak. in this case, in english. generally, we assume that we share a common understanding of language. of course, that's rubbish. my host learnt english from his mum, his dad, school. not a general school, but a specific school that exists in part of a hierarchy of education. and then university, plus through billions of encounters and 7 years in a small coastal town. where did you learn yours?

take the word "i". what does that mean? coming into this body, i learnt that 'i' meant, well, me. the entity that is sounding the word. but then other bodies made the sound. i heard it in the same place, as it caused patterns in my mind, but apparently the source is important. given we are separate entities here on earth (which is not an universal truth). so if i say 'i', i mean me. if you say 'i', you mean you. try saying it, then get someone else to say it. listen for the difference. when did you learn that difference? 3 years old, 4 years old? it took me a couple of years to get it straight, and even now i have  a sneaky suspicion that, quite often, it still refers to me, even if someone else is saying it. turns out that blind children take longer to suss the difference. the visual reference of discernibly separate physical forms speeds the process.

ok, so we are (kind of) agreed on 'i', so expand it to 'i am'. bang a 'not' on the end. for me, i've now a feeling of pushing something away. a denial. and the final subject, 'you'. i've sussed, I, and part of that process was the same as sussing 'you'. even though when i say it it sounds the same as when someone says it to me, and when someone else says it it sounds the same as when i say it.

so there's the concept. 'i am not you'. for me, i've now got a lot of meta data attached. all that stuff about becoming manifest here and having to learn about i/you separation; the whole game of denial, and how it usually masks deeper truths. etc. etc.

is that the same for you? chances are it is not. so with my really simple idea, which for me exists as a whole, i've failed to communicate.

i'm going to cheat now, skip a whole lot of stuff about the listener, about the intra-personal space, and from this tiny example, extrapolate out across the whole of language, and even into physics, which, like math, likes to think it is above this kind of thing. (which is why that ancient idea of an 'aether' is so scorned, when we have in fact re-imagined it, with a fancier name now. since we are now more 'advanced' than the humans from which we are descended, despite a lack of evolutionary pressure, obviously they had no idea. (sorry side track. 30,000 years ago, the people hanging out on earth were THE SAME people as hang out now, with less plastic).)

so, there we go. language is rubbish! it fails.

but somehow a teacher still gets to guide their student to enlightenment. how does that work? its been described as a quantum leap of understanding, rendering it non-computational. see penrose for more words stuff about it).

i'm going to hark back to the language thing. the universe is a complex place. an exchange of birdsong a miracle. and there are the humans, with their tiny little bits of the universe's computational equipment each, modelling away the world, and running little internal models of what's happening outside, to give them an edge. an even smaller part of that computational gadgetry, their 'conscious' mind, is running around within the models, tweaking them, observing them and occasionally getting stroppy when the world doesn't fit them.
and trying to describe them to other human beings.
it was probably really useful once upon a time. heck, its even useful now. (people  designed this keyboard and the computer and the 'net in collaboration mediated by language.)
so language grew. a limited set of sounds, used in reference to modelable facets of environment, repeated and refined through generations and generations until we get to now. which is actually a bit of a mess. the world is not a happy place. even the most well meaning are trampling and destroying their environments, and blind to reality. age related patterns of change in awareness are rediscovered every generation and thought to be new, whilst the cycles continue unabated. there's hundred's of thousand's of years of language/model development that's a wee bit off.

but how on earth can you explain that to anyone? "come on human race. throw away your rubbish languages. give up on the flawed idea of fixed lexicons, fixed past, constant pronouns. do away with that 'conscious' construct."?

its all there in the good book (which is obviously, a book. however, its a handy reference with stories that everyone is familiar with, a kind of ideas dictionary. physics is pretty good too, although only accessible to a smaller audience. i guess 'net concepts will be better soon).

'adam and eve ate an apple from the tree of knowledge ... and were fkd'
knowledge of what? of good and evil? what's that? modelling terms, that's what that is. 'knowledge' itself. the root of 'philosophical debates' (god save me from those!). understanding. all this one-step-removed-from-actually-being-there mentality. lexicon. conscious awareness.

and of course, there's the tower of babel story. man got cheeky, so god smashed their 'tower' (used in tarot to represent a body of knowledge, or a model of how things are) and scattered them across the world, giving them 10,000 languages, so no one understands anyone anymore.

which means, ALL post-babel languages fail to allow understanding. all these words i've written, doomed to fail. unless, perhaps, i can get that 'quantum' (very small) leap of understanding to occur. maybe encoded in the patterns of dots on the page? the way


paragraphs are


anyway. there's hope.
lets start with the aether. sorry, the gluon virtual field grid matrix or whatever its called. wobbling away, vibrating with the after echoes of god's words (or sneeze) (or orgasm) (sorry for all the religious stuff, my host had one of those comparative religious educations).

from which arises lights, life, matter, stars, planets, mutating and changing away, fractalling iterating into trees and birds and a fine dawn chorus. the movement of wind through leaves the same as the song of a cicada, the gurgle of a child, the fall of sunlight on a beach. the sound/feel/taste/sight of the universe being itself. where's our humans? can they turn off those tiny megalomaniac 'conscious' beams of inept control, and let their marvelous matter manifestations move and breathe and vocalise unimpeded?

typically, about now, my audience starts blathering about primal sounds, since they have to place what is being said into an existing context (model) and most people are so repressed that grunting or screaming is all they've got, before feeling smug or holy and reverting to the language trap once more. yes, grunting and screaming and wailing IS part of what i'm talking about, but its kinda on the bottom end. have you heard a tui? listened to the full range of a starling? (up to 50kHz). they've got tiny systems, and they are as complex as any concert piece. human vocalisations can be at least as complex.

try it. see what sounds your throat is capable of. play with your tongue, your cheeks, your teeth. quack and burp and hiss and warble, whistle and click. we have AMAZING vocal capacity.  try waving your arms about, and see what comes out.

that's step one. step two requires an audience. listen to each other. observe how you interact. try to avoid falling into the grunting idiot trap. (if you've read this far, you are probably safe). notice how some ways of making sounds sound 'true' and others feel empty. concentrate of getting some more of that full, true feeling as you speak. be a good listener. if thoughts come, let them come, as if you were meditating, let them leave again. if you feel the need to speak, do. if you want to jump up and down, do. observe your body, let it speak too. don't be afraid of looking like a lunatic.

step three gets fun. bring a memory or feeling to mind, be it. something you've not managed to clear. a problem, perhaps. start moving around. then vocalise. have another person listen.

sometimes a thing that has taken a thousand words and weeks is gone in seconds.

experiment. give and receive directions, perhaps, describe how a gadget works. see how well you can pass functional information without normal words.

liberate yourself and your friends from the restrictions of a lexicon. no moment is the same, so why do things have constant names? be free. ish.

there is a term for this. it is called "Glossolalia". it is considered holy, and misunderstood by language scientists who fail to find a lexicon and so assume no language. i call the language "coszh", which requires a rolling of the tongue to say. it is spoken by the trees, the birds, by hyperdimensional alien entities and by god. it is far more complex than any current earth human languages and is beyond conscious analysis, simply because it is the language of the universe, expressed. how can a tiny little ball of neurones ever hope to model it? better catch the wind in a net.

it is also extremely scary, as it has no words to hide behind, no comforting stories to use instead of truth. speak it with me. i'd love a good conversation.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

how to use psychedelic drugs. part 2: Plateaus

lets take a look at LSD, since that is the one my host researched most thoroughly.

LSD 25 has an affinity for the 5HT type 2 receptor. notably in the dorsal raphe sensory loop. (as does psilocybin, the magic mushroom ingredient). there are whole sub families of this receptor, all over the place. for example, the peristaltic contraction of smooth muscle in the human gut is modulated by  the 5HT receptor.

the dorsal raphe loop is a neural structure which takes in sensory information and throws it around a resonant circuit loop. normally the information is heavily damped. ie it comes in, pings off a resonance then quickly oscillates back to base line. my host never bothered thinking about why, so i'm suggesting that it allows to a rapid comparison of now information and recent information to detect change. looking from an evolutionary perspective: did that leaf just move? is that a panther sitting in the tree? where's the food source. the danger?

here is a graph of damped oscillators: the red line is the damped line.

the damping is controlled by the 5HT receptor.

take acid, and the damping is reduced. suddenly information starts resonating, like the blue line in the graph.

what does this mean, experientially?

well. think about the visual effects. as the damping decreases, old visual information starts bouncing around, messing with the comparative processes. things start to look like they are melting. the mapping systems start to glitch as head position vs visual source looses its binding, and things glide around, seemingly independent of each other. you get periodic echoing of data. this allies to all sensory data, from whatever mode. auditory, tactile, memory, wherever.

people LOVE this. they get all giggly and stupid and float around in a permanent haze of dysfunction. as long as the dose is small, they are not doing too much harm, although they are not doing much good, either.

what they are missing is that this is a transitory phase. with a little bit of centering and meditation, you can tune  into this newly resonant mode of sensory filtering. breathe, be calm, and the distortions settle down, because you are now looking at the harmonic structure of the environment. it is a little window into the larger hyperspatial reality. instead of seeing a limited time slice of what is there, you are seeing a few slices. if you allow the rest of your brain to sync in, you'll see both future and past frames.

the more acid or mushroom taken, the greater the reduction in damping. you can get hugely resonant, with sensory tails that take minutes to decay. that's a wide slice of 4D space you are sampling.

this is happening in parallel with other brain alterations that perhaps someone else can comment on.

however, i think that is enough information, given with the landing instructions, to allow useful forays into hyperspace.

my host used meditation with anaglyph and stereoscopic computer simulations of 3D slices of rotating hyper-dimensional objects whilst in these undamped states to re-program his mind to be able to view a 4D object (in his case a 5-cell simplex). the day he did, he stepped outside of normal time.

although this 3d human consensus reality looks solid, it is full of entities. dragons whose existence is measured across aeons live all around. every object you can see is a mix of other beings meeting and changing through these harmonic spaces. the human mind is designed to filter out 99.999999% of all data. the human eyes filter out nearly all the light in the universe. the very cells are tuned to interact with a fragment of the vibrational spectrum of reality. there was a purpose to all of this filtering, as there is a purpose to reducing it.


the bassist's strumming and the night is young
the dance floor's waiting so i'm getting on.

feel the music like a lover's touch.
moving with my body it sets my spirit free.

i smile from the inside

a glance is shared, a smile exchanged,  a passing echo of another's moves flow's through.

the mood is fun and true.

and then the godless lost break into my peace,
reach through to touch and grab and claim.

un-self-satisfied they trash my vibe to try and take what cannot be given.

the mood is changed and a struggle ensues to give them enough to prevent insult (although i see the quick glaze of an eye, the flinch as their energy battering is not adored) yet avoid the hooks and isolation. what once was free becomes flirtatious, at least in another's mind, and i see my body from outside, feel the energies projected (and my own responding). so i spin a quick shield to preserve integrity, to allow only the freely shared to reach. i go too far, space is crowded. backs are turned. no longer safe, fingers burned, so i relax a little and try to still be a part of the whole.

the goal is lost and another given. survive, make the most, shine, be kind. I learn a lot, and have a friendly time, although i wield a whip to keep the boys in line. i hear a tale of mana and gain an insight.

eventually, it is too much. one of them will not let it go, refuses to hear me as i try and avoid her scalding grasp. i flee and she fucking chases me, will not let go. grasping, grabbing, her aura like sharp hot coal. although i did not realise it at the time, i switched, my energy reversed to give me the armour i need to cast her off. suddenly i'm a therapist, guiding her mind back to self worth and her back to the pack. alcohol is evident, scrambling her clarity.

back on the dancefloor, i've gained some space, can groove to the tunes when a man walks past and tells me what i've done. i see my moves, martial. my aura tight.

is it only me that already knows the feel of mine? that knows what is not and does not cross the invisible lines?
am i so wrong? lost in some meditation that tells me that even if not this time, in this life, i'll meet and know the one who is for me?
Is it foolish to expect that adult beings should be able to simply be with their feelings, their vibes, and not need to act them out, make others actors in their internal plays? (re-reading this. yes, i know i'm a muppet too)

afterwards the sea is calming, as i lie on the shore and let it wash away the sticky energies that coat me like memories of every intrusion, every wrong.

and so my mind turns back to other times, when we danced all the night. worshipped with trance and ecstasy, shared the grace of music without desire leaving its polluted trails upon our skin. instead of longing for the past, i remember it, feel it again. i see that i have still not embraced this human life.

today seems strangely void, as if i lost something last night without even realising i was supposed to find it.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

how to use psychedelic drugs. part 1: LANDING

I've noticed in NZ that almost no one knows how to use psychedelic drugs safely.

my host was very experienced. old soul. i hope that i can successfully translate his experiences in a way that you, the reader, will find helpful and informative. i will use analogy and metaphor and long rambling stories to try and nail the essence into your understanding.

psychedelics as  sacrament, PasS from now on, is like a rocket ship. you take the pass, and you embark on a high powered vessel that launches you into spaces normally only accessible after years of meditation and hard work. it is dangerous, and fun. you experience sensory distortions as you pass through various states, and moments of enlightenment, and you can enter into hyper dimensional spaces, or outside of human time. most of what is experienced is so far from everyday reality that there is no language common between the states, and attempts to describe the places become prosaic, inaccurate and lead to incidents of religion or delusion.

like all flying vessels, the rocket ship needs to land. this last stage, the moment before the trip ends, is the single most important part of the journey. it is like a plane touching down. it doesn't matter how high you go, how far you travel. If you crash land at the end, you've injured yourself, and possibly killed off one branch of your existence. the landing begins at the height of the trip, and it is this process of landing that my host spend many years perfecting.

it used to begin with the experience of a lock snapping into place, a dimension closing, a truth lost. then the feeling of locks snapping into place accelerated, until he returned to his body and everyday reality with a jolt. he would try to hold onto the vanishing truths and knowledge and form and fail, and literally crash.

the everyday experience afterwards would then reflect this crash. to use the onion analogy, the outer shell would be a higher state, damaged and skewed, each layer on the way in similarly damaged. everyday life, in the center, is invisibly effected and patterned by all the layers around it, so the damage filters down and changes the events of ed life. buses would be missed. flat tyres would eventuate. connections missed, items damaged, lovers lost. money squandered, 'bad energy' manifest. life would be shit, in many different ways.

the first attempts at landing, years worth, involved breathing, meditation, remaining centred. piloting a course, consciously. when hyperdimensional, this may be quite an involved process, especially if outside time. you'll be aware of your 'future' ed self, be able to guide your own footsteps, intervene. the resultant landings became less dramatic, less destructive. life became easier.

paying attention to this kind of landing will assist in maintaining a healthy every day life.

to assist in the process, make sure that you are not tired or stressed BEFORE using the pass. you will need focus and energy at the end, 6 to 8 hours later. make sure you have either a safe place to be, or have previously created a safe environment while trans-temporal. its not a joke, or something to be taken lightly. psychedelic spaces can be competitive, and there are dangerous zones to be transversed on the way up, and the way down. eat well. practice meditation. one of my host's favourite methods would be to be doing a head stand (spine aligned, physical forces balanced) whilst watching the sun rise. the combination of yoga, meditation and humour (watching the sun fall into the sky is well worth it) would provide a smooth airspace for the landing.

if you are tired, then how much attention will you have for flight (attitude) adjustments. will you pay full notice to the niggling energy from your shoulder? you could carry that energy into your everyday life, manifesting as a sprain, a broken bone, a constant influence. i suggest that you probably don't want to do this. will you have the strength to pull up, or will you just slam into life, blowing your precious cargo of experience to pieces, losing your job and car in the process?

i hope i've given you some clues. in part 2, we'll discuss some advanced methods of scale manipulation, and meditation foci, along with the mathematical clues dropped throughout human history.